How to Make a Narcissist Want You Back

Dealing with a narcissist in any relationship can be challenging, and this is especially true when the relationship ends, leaving you wondering how to make them want you back. Narcissists are often characterized by their grandiose sense of self, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, making them uniquely difficult to influence. However, if you want to re-engage a narcissist and make them desire to be with you again, there are specific strategies you can employ that cater to their psychological needs and tendencies.

In this article, we’ll explore various approaches to rekindling a narcissist’s interest, focusing on understanding their mindset, creating the right conditions for re-attraction, and maintaining your own emotional health throughout the process.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Mindset

Before diving into specific tactics, it’s crucial to understand how a narcissist thinks and what motivates their behavior. This knowledge will help you tailor your approach to making them want you back.

1. Their Need for Admiration

Narcissists thrive on admiration and attention. They constantly seek validation from others and need to feel superior and special. This drive for admiration can be a powerful tool in getting them to reconsider their decision to let you go.

2. Fear of Losing Control

Narcissists are often obsessed with control. They like to dominate their relationships and can become very uncomfortable when they feel they are losing their grip on someone. The idea that you could move on and be happy without them can trigger their desire to reassert control over you.

3. Desire for Superiority

Narcissists have a deep-seated belief that they are better than others. If they see you thriving and succeeding without them, it can create a sense of competition, pushing them to want to “win” you back, even if it’s just to prove they can.

Strategies to Make a Narcissist Want You Back

Now that you have a better understanding of a narcissist’s mindset, let’s explore specific strategies you can use to make them want you back.

1. Become Unavailable and Independent

One of the most effective ways to re-engage a narcissist’s interest is by becoming unavailable. Narcissists are attracted to what they can’t easily have, so creating a sense of distance and independence can make you more appealing.

Steps to Take:

• Limit Contact: After the breakup, reduce or completely cut off contact with the narcissist. This absence can make them start to wonder about you and reignite their interest.
• Focus on Self-Improvement: Invest time in yourself. Whether it’s working on your career, hobbies, or personal growth, showing that you’re thriving without them will make them question their decision to leave you.
• Appear Mysterious: Don’t share too much about your life on social media or through mutual friends. Let them wonder what you’re up to and who you might be spending time with.

2. Trigger Their Jealousy

Narcissists are incredibly competitive and hate the idea of someone else having something they once had, especially if it’s you. By subtly triggering their jealousy, you can make them want to reclaim you.

How to Trigger Jealousy:

• Showcase Your Social Life: Let them see (indirectly) that you are surrounded by friends, admirers, or even potential new partners. This can make them feel like they are missing out.
• Mention Other People Casually: If you do interact with them, casually mention new people in your life. This doesn’t mean lying or being overly obvious, but a subtle hint can go a long way.
• Highlight Your Successes: Share your achievements and successes without coming across as boastful. Let them see that you are doing well and moving forward.

3. Appeal to Their Ego

Narcissists are driven by their ego, and if you can appeal to it, you can draw them back in. Flattery and admiration, when used strategically, can remind them of the validation they once received from you.

Techniques for Ego Appeal:

• Compliment Their Strengths: Even if you’re no longer together, occasional compliments (when appropriate) can remind them of the positive validation they received from you.
• Acknowledge Their Influence: Subtly remind them of the good times and how they influenced your life in a positive way. This can make them feel powerful and important, which is exactly what they crave.
• Ask for Their “Expert” Advice: Narcissists love to feel like they are experts or superior in some way. Asking for their advice on something they are knowledgeable about can stroke their ego and re-engage their interest.

4. Reframe the Breakup as Their Idea

Narcissists hate to feel like they’ve lost or been rejected. If you can subtly reframe the breakup in their mind as their idea or make them believe that getting back together is their decision, you increase the likelihood of them wanting you back.

Reframing Strategies:

• Stay Positive and Agreeable: Instead of arguing or blaming them for the breakup, express that you understand their reasons and that it might have been for the best. This can disarm them and make them reconsider their stance.
• Let Them Feel in Control: Narcissists need to feel like they are in control. If you make them think that getting back together was their idea all along, they’re more likely to pursue it.
• Drop Subtle Hints: Without being direct, drop hints that you’re open to reconciling, but make it seem like you’re perfectly fine if it doesn’t happen. This can create a challenge for them, which they might want to take on.

5. Maintain Your Emotional Composure

Narcissists often feed off the emotional turmoil they create in others. If you remain calm, composed, and emotionally independent, it can confuse them and make them want to regain the emotional control they once had over you.

Maintaining Composure:

• Avoid Emotional Outbursts: Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Stay calm and composed in all interactions, which can make them curious and eager to see if they can still affect you.
• Practice Detachment: Work on detaching emotionally from the situation. This doesn’t mean you don’t care, but it does mean you’re not letting your emotions control your actions or decisions.
• Be Mindful of Your Reactions: Pay attention to how you respond to their attempts to provoke you. Staying neutral or responding in a way that shows you’re unaffected can make them want to engage with you more.

6. Create a New Dynamic

If you do get back together, it’s important to establish a new dynamic in the relationship where you have more control and they are less likely to take you for granted. This means setting boundaries and ensuring that the relationship meets your needs as well.

Establishing a New Dynamic:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Make it clear what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. This helps to protect your emotional well-being and ensures that they know you won’t be easily manipulated.
• Communicate Your Needs: Be assertive about what you need from the relationship. Don’t be afraid to express your desires and expectations.
• Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away Again: Make it clear that you are willing to walk away if your needs aren’t met. Narcissists often respect people who they perceive as strong and independent.

When to Reconsider

While the above strategies can be effective in making a narcissist want you back, it’s essential to consider whether this is truly what’s best for you. Narcissistic relationships are often fraught with emotional manipulation, and even if you manage to rekindle the relationship, the underlying issues may still persist.

1. Assessing the Potential for Change

Ask yourself if the narcissist is capable of genuine change. Narcissistic personality traits are deeply ingrained, and significant change is rare without substantial effort on their part, often with the help of professional therapy.

2. Considering Your Emotional Well-Being

Re-entering a relationship with a narcissist can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. Ensure that you are prioritizing your well-being and not sacrificing your happiness for the sake of being in a relationship.

3. Evaluating the Long-Term Viability

Think about the long-term prospects of the relationship. Will the same issues that led to the breakup arise again? Are you prepared to deal with the challenges of being with a narcissist?

Conclusion: Navigating the Path to Reconciliation

Making a narcissist want you back requires a deep understanding of their psychology and a strategic approach. By becoming unavailable, appealing to their ego, triggering their jealousy, and maintaining emotional composure, you can increase the likelihood of rekindling their interest. However, it’s crucial to remember that narcissistic relationships are inherently challenging, and the decision to pursue reconciliation should be made with careful consideration of your emotional health and long-term happiness.

Ultimately, the power dynamics in a relationship with a narcissist are complex, and while you may be able to draw them back in, it’s essential to establish a new dynamic where your needs are met, and your well-being is prioritized. If these conditions cannot be met, it may be worth reconsidering whether the relationship is truly in your best interest.