How Do Narcissists Make You Feel?

Narcissists have a profound ability to influence the emotions of those around them. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you likely experienced a wide range of intense and confusing emotions. Narcissists can make you feel admired, validated, and loved, but they can also make you feel insignificant, anxious, and drained. In this article, we will explore the emotional landscape that comes with being involved with a narcissist. We’ll dive deep into how narcissists manipulate your feelings and the psychological effects these interactions can have on you.

1. The Initial Euphoria: Feeling Special and Adored

When you first meet a narcissist, the experience can be exhilarating. Narcissists are often charming, charismatic, and seem genuinely interested in you. They may shower you with compliments, attention, and affection, making you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. This phase, often referred to as “love-bombing,” is designed to draw you in and make you feel special.

How You Feel: During this initial stage, you likely feel euphoric, flattered, and deeply connected to the narcissist. You may think you’ve found someone who truly understands and appreciates you. The intense focus they give you can make you feel validated and seen in a way you might not have experienced before.

The Reality: This euphoria is carefully orchestrated. The narcissist is building a foundation of trust and dependence, knowing that once you’re emotionally invested, they can begin to manipulate your feelings to their advantage.

2. The Subtle Undermining: Feeling Confused and Insecure

Once the narcissist has you hooked, the dynamic often shifts. The compliments may become less frequent, and the criticism more subtle. Narcissists are skilled at identifying your insecurities and using them to destabilize you. They may make offhand comments that leave you questioning yourself or your worth.

How You Feel: You might start to feel confused, insecure, or self-conscious. The same person who once made you feel so valued is now making you doubt yourself. This inconsistency can be deeply unsettling, leaving you constantly trying to regain the approval and affection that once flowed so freely.

The Reality: The narcissist’s goal is to keep you off balance. By creating a cycle of approval and disapproval, they maintain control over your emotions, making you more dependent on their validation.

3. The Gaslighting: Feeling Doubtful and Anxious

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to make you question your perception of reality. They might deny saying or doing things that you clearly remember or accuse you of being overly sensitive or paranoid. Over time, this can erode your confidence in your own judgment.

How You Feel: You may start to feel anxious, doubtful, and even a little crazy. You might question your memory, your feelings, and your sanity. This can lead to a sense of helplessness, as you begin to rely more and more on the narcissist’s version of reality.

The Reality: Gaslighting is a powerful form of manipulation that allows the narcissist to control the narrative. By making you doubt yourself, they can make you more reliant on them for guidance and validation, further tightening their grip on your emotions.

4. The Devaluation: Feeling Worthless and Unloved

As the relationship progresses, the narcissist may begin to devalue you. This can manifest in various ways, from overt criticism and insults to more subtle forms of disrespect, such as ignoring your needs or dismissing your feelings. The person who once made you feel cherished now seems to take pleasure in making you feel small.

How You Feel: You may feel worthless, unloved, and unimportant. The contrast between how you were treated at the beginning of the relationship and how you’re treated now can be devastating. You might start to internalize the narcissist’s negative opinions of you, leading to a decline in self-esteem.

The Reality: Devaluation is a tactic narcissists use to assert dominance and control. By making you feel inferior, they reinforce their own sense of superiority and keep you dependent on them for any scraps of affection or approval they choose to give.

5. The Triangulation: Feeling Jealous and Inadequate

Narcissists often engage in triangulation, a tactic where they bring a third person into the dynamic to create jealousy and competition. This could be a friend, a family member, or even an ex-partner. The narcissist might compare you unfavorably to this person or make you feel like you’re competing for their attention.

How You Feel: Triangulation can make you feel jealous, inadequate, and insecure. You may start to compare yourself to the other person, wondering why you’re not enough for the narcissist. This can create a sense of desperation, as you try harder to win back the narcissist’s favor.

The Reality: Triangulation is another way for the narcissist to control and manipulate your emotions. By fostering jealousy and competition, they keep you focused on them and distracted from the bigger picture of how they’re treating you.

6. The Silent Treatment: Feeling Abandoned and Desperate

When a narcissist feels slighted or wants to punish you, they might employ the silent treatment. This involves ignoring you completely—no communication, no acknowledgment, nothing. The silent treatment can be incredibly painful, especially if you’ve become dependent on the narcissist for validation and emotional support.

How You Feel: The silent treatment can leave you feeling abandoned, desperate, and panicked. You might obsess over what you did wrong and how you can fix it. The lack of communication can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid triggering another silent episode.

The Reality: The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse designed to make you feel powerless. By withholding communication, the narcissist reinforces your dependence on them and ensures that you’ll work even harder to regain their attention and approval.

7. The Hoovering: Feeling Conflicted and Hopeful

Hoovering is a tactic narcissists use to pull you back in after a period of distance or a breakup. They might suddenly reappear with apologies, promises to change, or gestures of affection. The goal is to rekindle your feelings and get you back under their control.

How You Feel: Hoovering can leave you feeling conflicted and hopeful. You might desperately want to believe that the narcissist has changed and that things will be different this time. However, there may also be a nagging doubt that nothing has really changed.

The Reality: Hoovering is rarely about genuine remorse or a desire to change. Instead, it’s a manipulative tactic to regain control over you. Once the narcissist feels secure in your attachment again, the cycle of manipulation is likely to resume.

8. The Smear Campaign: Feeling Isolated and Misunderstood

If you start to pull away from a narcissist or stand up to them, they may launch a smear campaign against you. This involves spreading lies, rumors, and half-truths about you to others, often portraying themselves as the victim and you as the villain.

How You Feel: A smear campaign can make you feel isolated, misunderstood, and betrayed. It’s painful to see your reputation damaged and to have others believe falsehoods about you. The narcissist’s ability to manipulate others’ perceptions can leave you feeling powerless and alone.

The Reality: Smear campaigns are a defensive strategy narcissists use to protect their image and punish you for challenging their control. By turning others against you, they aim to undermine your support system and keep you from leaving the relationship.

9. The Final Discard: Feeling Devastated and Lost

In many narcissistic relationships, there comes a point where the narcissist decides you are no longer useful to them. When this happens, they may abruptly end the relationship, often in a cold and callous manner. The final discard can be sudden and shocking, leaving you reeling.

How You Feel: The final discard can leave you feeling devastated, lost, and broken. After all the emotional investment, manipulation, and abuse, being discarded can feel like the ultimate betrayal. You might struggle to make sense of what happened and to rebuild your life without the narcissist.

The Reality: The final discard is a reflection of the narcissist’s self-centered nature. Once they no longer see value in you or if they’ve found a new source of narcissistic supply, they will move on without a second thought. The abruptness and cruelty of the discard are a reminder that the relationship was always about their needs, not yours.

10. The Long-Term Impact: Feeling Emotionally Scarred

Even after a narcissistic relationship ends, the emotional impact can linger for a long time. The manipulation, gaslighting, and abuse can leave deep psychological scars that affect your self-esteem, trust in others, and overall mental health.

How You Feel: You might continue to feel anxious, insecure, and wary of future relationships. The emotional wounds inflicted by the narcissist can take time to heal, and you may struggle with feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness.

The Reality: Healing from a narcissistic relationship is a process that requires time, support, and self-compassion. It’s important to recognize that the emotions you experienced were the result of manipulation and abuse, and to take steps to rebuild your sense of self-worth and trust in others.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Emotional Well-Being

Understanding how a narcissist makes you feel is the first step in reclaiming your emotional well-being. Narcissists are experts at manipulating emotions to serve their own needs, often leaving you feeling confused, insecure, and drained. By recognizing these patterns and understanding the tactics used, you can begin to break free from their influence.

It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and that you deserve to be in relationships that uplift and support you, rather than tear you down. If you’ve been involved with a narcissist, take the time to heal and surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being.

Ultimately, the journey to emotional recovery involves reclaiming your sense of self, rebuilding your confidence, and learning to trust your own perceptions and feelings again. With time and support, you can move beyond the emotional turmoil of a narcissistic relationship and find peace and happiness within yourself.